I hoped today would be light. It started that way. For whatever reason though around midday I had an absolutely existentially terrible bout of anxiety and “I Like It” by Cardi B, ft. Bad Bunny & J Balvin queued up and cycled through the remainder of my morning. It wasn’t even the good part of the song either, just the last park of the book and the beginning of J Balvin’s part.
I got so overwhelmed by this dread I didn’t do anything but lay on the couch and flip back and forth through social media to hopefully catch something to sufficiently distract me from how panicky I felt. As I refreshed, and then refreshed, and then refreshed Twitter for a third time as Cardi’s chart topper soundtracked my morning of nerves.
Out of nowhere Cardi was replaced by The Game’s “Wouldn’t Get Far.” This soothed me just a little. The beat on “Wouldn’t Get Far,” is calmer than “I Like It,” and the hook is a sample from Creative Source’s “I’d Find You Anywhere,” the soft voice settling me a little better compared to J Balvin. Despite the improvement, I still felt on edge all the way up to work, running through my typical imagining of workday day apocalyptic scenarios, as I’m wont to do when I’m feeling jittery before a shift.
Speaking of jittery, my boss and his boss were a little jittery when I got to the course, so I promptly removed myself from the clubhouse and the absolutely obscenely volumed FM Pop Top 40 radio station blaring out of the grill to go check on the cart staff for a couple hours. This vastly improved my mood, as did talking through everything with my girlfriend, something I’m trying to be better about. I stayed outside among the silence of the empty barn and grazing suburban deer until my mind emptied itself of both my nerves and any repetitive tunes so that all that remained was a subdued fatigue evident of a day spent worrying.
My somewhat numbed state is still present, I’m headed home to the sound of a just too hard rain and the G-Unit version of “Hate It Or Love It.” I’ve been leaning hard into mid-2000s Hip-Hop and I ain’t mad about it one bit.
Let me know what songs your brain put on repeat in the comments below, and if you’d like to drop a dollar, a dime, or even some bitcoin (just kidding don’t ever drop me bitcoin) hit the link