Hackers of the Week

Every job has its characters. They might be the customers you deal with or your coworkers, but no matter where you work there’s at least someone pulling some wild shit on a regular basis. Probably at least once that out of pocket fool has done something to make you think “I could totally make a show out of this.” While nothing that goes on at my job is worth a script read from even the lowliest cable network intern, it is worthy of being made into semi regular very average and niche blog posts by yours truly that satiate my ego’s insistence of my writing capability and provide catharsis for the cardiac arresting stress these aforementioned jackasses induce. With all that being said here’s my Hackers of the Week.

Everyone that played on Thanksgiving: I don’t know who started the tradition of golf courses being open on every day but Christmas, but if I ever find that guy in the afterlife I’m throwing more than a couple ghost punches his way. I get some of you people don’t have lives or families, but that doesn’t mean you should get to come to the course and make me wallow in your pity pit with you. I do have things I want to do on Thanksgiving, and they don’t include squandering a perfectly good holiday on a bunch of people who’d rather struggle through a 95 than enjoy a meal with their families.

The guys that tried to use a Groupon promo: At least once a day someone will bitch the price of something. Most of the time it’s the green fee, which they accuse us of jacking up so we can all keep ourselves in the finest accoutrements. Typically though the tantrum is the same, they bitch, make some shitty one liner about not being able to eat now that we’re charging them so much, but they pay anyway. Not these guys. These two walked in determined to pull one over on Big Tee Time. Never mind the coupon they wanted to use was invalid to our course, they still spent a solid hand’s worth of minutes yelling in the pro shop about what bullshit it was that we were forcing them, (yes, that’s right, forcing them) to pay this green fee before walking right out the door and playing a round at a place they were convinced had just stolen from them.

The guy who called and asked me if I heard the airplanes: We get some weird damn questions and conversations in the shop. I’ve had people ask if they can rent a cart, as in take it off the property. I’ve had people ask if they can harvest the wildlife we have on the course, and about once a week I’ll have someone ask why they can’t take the range balls home with them to bring back at another day. But I’ve never had someone quite like this guy. Let me set the scene. I’d just come inside from a lesson, during which a formation of military jets flew over the course. As I’m walking in the phone rings, and the person on the other line says,

“Yeah, uhhhh, I was just wondering. Did you guys hear that noise? What was that? It sounded like planes.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s what it was man.”

“Okay, I just didn’t know if you guys knew for sure, if anybody saw something or not. You guys heard that though right I mean I’m not making that up am I?”

“Nah man, I heard it. I’m sure it was just jets.”

“Ok cool, sweet.” *click.*

After I’d recovered from the mind numbing shock of this caller’s stupidity I almost called him back to ask him what in the hell prompted him to think of the golf course as his best resource to finding the source of the airplane like noise he’d just heard. I mean if this dumbass walks out his house and sees smoke am I going to get another call? I sure hope not.

I know there were people I missed, and unfortunately this is the slowest time of the year for golf so the chances for jackassery won’t be quite as frequent as they will come spring and summer, but I’ve no doubt I’ll have no end of inspiration for nominees for each week’s hackers. Until then, see you on the tee.

Feel free to submit your own encounters with hackers to the comments section or any of my social media accounts. If you liked this post spread it around, if you hated it let me know. If you think it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for me to see a capital return on this work hit the link below.

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